Ever run into one of those people who irritate you so greatly, whether by their mere breathing or the mere fact that they are still breathing, and you find yourself wishing they’d drop dead? I run into those people — figuratively speaking — all the time.

Unfortunately, due to the high cost of insurance and legal fees, I can’t literally run into those people, though God knows it’s tempting sometimes. For the same reasons, I also can’t down enough vodka to make myself forget that they exist. But I can sure run into them literarily (if that’s even a word).

So that’s what I’m doing with this blog — writing an open letter to all of the idiots and assholes in the world who don’t realize just how close they came to needing intensive and ongoing therapy (physical and otherwise) after pissing me off.

Maybe you’ll recognize someone in one of these letters. Maybe you’ll think to yourself, “Self, I wish I’d said that!” Heck, maybe one of these letters is about YOU.

All I know is that I’ll most likely feel better at the end of every entry, even if you don’t… like I’d care.