With Britney realizing that she did, indeed, look like a fat pig on Prozac and Kid Rock and Tommy Lee brawling at MTV’s Video Music Awards earlier this week, we have to wonder just where these folks would be if they weren’t stars?
Britney Spears: Her love of fried chicken and Cheetohs is no secret, nor are her battles with her bulging belly and thighs. The formerly svelte pop star was once able to use her enviable body to distract us from her otherwise trashy behavior. But as the past two years have shown, you can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.
Our take: after killing her own comeback, perhaps Britney should be looking into mobile home loans right about now. At least there she’d be with her own kind.
Kid Rock: Let’s face it, everything about this guy looks like the biggest accomplishment in his life was sleeping with Pam Anderson. He’s smarmy. He’s greasy. He needs a shave and a haircut. Most men with his face couldn’t get within 6 feet of knockers like Pam’s without some mobile home refinancing and a stripper girlfriend in need of a boost to her career as well as her bustline.
Our take: Despite making us want to reach for a spray-bottle of disinfectant, we must give Kid his props for bitch-slapping Tommy Lee at the VMA’s. We’ve always wanted to do that.
Tommy Lee: If there’s anything uglier than Kid Rock, this man is it. Seriously, look at him: that man has sunk more money into inking his bod that other folks with will ever sink into their manufactured home loans, and not one inch of it made him look any better. What that says about Pamela’s taste is too revolting for us to ponder for long. Suffice it to say that if we wish Tommy had faded away after departing Motley Crue, but like a bad STD he just lingers on, getting on our nerves more as time goes by.
Our take: Tommy Lee may be calling Pam’s other ex-husband “Kid Pebble” these days, but we’re glad Kid had the stones to deliver the punch Tommy has been deserving for so long.
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