The only thing more painful than listening to Britney Spears perform her new song “Gimme More” last night on MTV’s Video Music Awards was actually looking at her out-of-shape body jiggle its way across the stage.
Fans are busy blaming comedienne Sarah Silverman for Britney’s bombed performance, claiming that the singer heard the comic rehearsing her monologue and just couldn’t get over the jokes about Britney’s career and children. (Our favorite? “She’s amazing. She is 25 year old, and she has already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life.”)
We’re not buying the blame Silverman thing. See, that would first require us to believe that Britney is capable of remembering anything for longer than 3 seconds, but the way she forgot the lyrics to her own song proves she’s as mindless as the zombie she resembled during last night’s performance.
Others claim that Britney was so uncomfortable in her outfit that she just couldn’t get into her performance. We don’t buy that, either. After all, she’s perfectly comfortable wearing skanky hair extensions on global television. How could a little flab throw her off with hair that looks like that?
Still others wonder whether Britney’s decision to party with Diddy and Paris Hilton until 3 a.m. the previous night ruined her performance. Sorry. Zzzzt. Wrong answer: see, we’ve grown so used to Britney being a bar-hopping drunk we find it impossible to believe one more night of lushing it up could have changed a damn thing.
Regardless, you know you’ve got to suck if Perez actually removes his lips from your ass long enough to say that you were, indeed, awful.
And we at QOS believe we have actually uncovered the true cause of Britney’s lackluster performance that killed her “comeback” opportunity: she sucks. She’s sucked for so long she’s forgotten how not to suck. She sucked then and she sucks now. She just doesn’t have a rocking body to distract us from noticing it anymore.
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VK, as usual, you hit the proverbial nail perfectly on the head. Her 15 minutes were up a long time ago…