Hey, y’all. I know you peeps can’t stop talkin’ ’bout why the judge says I gotta give my babies to what’s-his-name, so I figured I’d best clear some things up for ya.
So, okay, you know how that fat guy who I hired to act as a human wall between me and all those photogs started sayin’ he saw me doing drugs the night after I got out of rehab. Well, he’s just full of it, you know. Because, look, he can’t even identify what I was taking, y’all. For all he knows that was aspirin I was snorting, okay?
Then the judge up and told me I had a problem. Riiiiight. You know what my problem is? It’s that cousin of mine, Alli. Girlfriend keeps telling me “You look good in blue contacts!” and “Why don’t you treat yourself to a midnight tan!” and stuff. Oh, sure, she says nothing but nice things about me to the magazines, but the girl wants to be a singer just like me.
I bet she never really thought I looked good with blue eyes. The lies some people will tell just to be a celebrity!
Yeah, that’s gotta be the reason the judge got all up in my face ’bout stuff and decided to believe all them lies everyone’s telling. Sure, he ordered me to meet with a drug counselor and I haven’t. What do I need a drug counselor for? I already gots me a driver to pick stuff up for me. Who needs a counselor on top of that?
And, yeah, he told me to take a piss test but, hey, I was on the rag.
I was supposed to go to parenting classes, too, but sheesh, I’m busy, y’all. I gots some places to go and be seen at, you know what I’m sayin’?
So now all the sudden everybody’s makin’ it look like I’m some irresponsible heifer who can’t remember to put her kid in a car seat, much less wear panties, so why should I be trusted with my own kids? It’s not like other people are perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, that’s what I tell my kids when I’m ’splaining why their Mommy and Daddy shouldn’t ever have got married and had them.
But, see, I’m fixing my mistakes. For one thing, I’m wearing panties now. And I’m even getting a California driver’s license, y’all, although my heart will always consider Louisiana my real home.
This whole mess? It ain’t no big thing. I figure he’s called a Baby Daddy for a reason. Besides, with him taking care of the kids I’ve got time to tend to important things, like my tan.
So why don’t y’all just do what that fat guy with the Crayon-colored hair says and let me get in my order for some 5-star room service fried chicken.
What? That’s not what he said? Damn Queen.
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Oh haha.. It’s really funny how she tortured and tormented those children for over a year before the courts finally rescued them from her narcissistic, vain and cruel lifestyle dedicated to do as she wishes. Should one still make fun of her rich-famous illiterate thinking and behavior without worry? Is she not smart enough to live for the best in life and make sure she has every comfort and satisfaction her money can buy? NOT 4 her innocent kids tho. They took the terror and blows for all her selfish addictive needs and suffered greatly. I will thank God they escaped this hellish demon will never have to be with her again and if she wants to die.. hell let her ‘off’ herself in a blaze of greed and lust and leave them alone.